A Good Day

Today is a good day. Good days make me feel a uneasy. 

"This can't last long!" screams my inner self. 

Meet the tiny, little maniac that lives inside my head and feeds off of ruining EVERYTHING. Maybe a better word name for that guy would be Anxiety. 

I know I'm not alone in fighting Anxiety on a daily basis. It is not easy. I'm growing so much more compassion for others who suffer form this as well.

This morning I woke up early because my dreams were filled with stress and panic, but it felt good to wake up earlier than usual. It helped me feel more like a "normal" person. 

One major side effect of my current struggle with Depression and Anxiety is that I sleep a ton. In general I'm a person who needs a lot of rest, but for the past six months I feel like I can sleep forever and still not feel rested. 

This post is starting to feel like a downer. I definitely don't want to bring heaviness into your day. But I also find that when other people share their progress with mental health it helps me feel less alone.

If that's you right now, know that you're doing amazing and you're not alone. Sometimes that tiny act of waking up can feel so hard. I want to know that even if no one (including me!) will ever know exactly how hard, I'm so proud of you. 

I'm on a journey to unlearn a lot of things. One of the biggies is comparing my achievements to other people's. 

For instance my achievements today include:

- I woke up before 8AM instead of sleep until 10AM and still feel tired

- I answered all my backed-up messages instead of procrastinating and getting overwhelmed

- I drank water and ate enough to keep my body fueled and satiated instead of neglecting my needs

- I folded my clothes after removing them instead of throwing them on the shelf in a heap

- I made a teensy bit of progress on a commission that has been giving me trouble instead of worrying over it and letting the fear stop me from sketching ideas

Compared to someone else, or even compared to past versions of Lucy Rose, these may not seem like terribly huge things. But they feel big to me. They feel good--healthy.

They make me feel like I am making progress.

Sending you lots of love and strength for whatever small steps you are making today,

Lucy Rose