Missed You

I miss blogging. 

I haven't posted here for four years, ever since 2016, when I stopped in order to focus on studies, getting married and finding a job. 

But I miss it. I miss you guys: my faithful 15 readers! Wait. There are 16 of you? Wow!!! I'm so glad you're here. 

I tried to start blogging again on a fancy new website. But I could never get into it. I guess after eight years spent figuring out Google's Blogger site, my sad little brain exploded at the thought of doing something cool and sleek.

Cool and sleek have never come easily to me. Cool and sleek are lifelong things that I wish I were, but usually I feel...................awkward and strange?............................clumsy and shy?...............................I dunno. 

Here is what I imagine when I say "cool and sleek":

- A trendy, choppy haircut 

- Sharp clothing that repels lint and stray hairs (from the trendy haircut!)

- Someone who makes their own business profitable and then hires a team of interns and staff members

- Someone who does CrossFit 

Here is me:

- My hair leads its own life, I just do check-ins to make sure it is not doing drugs

- My clothing immediately attracts and retains any and all available lint or hairs

- I have my own business and I have no clue what I am doing and it is by no means profitable

- I exercise alone in a vacant parking lot while being glared at by a community of moms who like to take their kids to the same lot to ride trikes 

I think I have figured out the reason why going to the Squarespaces, Wixes and trendier sites never worked for me. My blogging style is basically my train of thought. It is a me blerping out whatever is going on in my head at the moment. 

Yes, I have tried to think up themes and stick to topics. In fact, this has worked, every now and then! I have even studied the business side of blogging and how people actually make money off of their blogs! Woah! 

Yeah. The Blogging is a whole industry. And whenever I have tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get into that industry I have quit before I even started, because it is just not me and it is absolutely terrifying. 

I am not put together enough to plan out posts in advance, take cool photos of relaxing plants and follow *gasp* A CALENDAR!!!

I could probably write a book about professional blogging, based off of the research I have done over the years about how to have a successful blog. All four years of not blogging I have been daydreaming about how I was finally going to implement all my knowledge. 

But this morning I realized: That will never happen. I can have a blog that is just this: Me writing about stuff. 

I am allowed to reboot my old Blogger app and just pick up where I left off. I will probably never become a giant force of lifestyle advice within the blogosphere. 

In all likelihood I will always be a strange little weirdo sitting in my little corner of the internet chattering to myself and the 4 of you who stuck around for this entire post. 

To you four I say: Thank you for sticking around.