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Whenever I am working at the smoothie bar I feel like I am onstage. So many people can see me right as they walk into the store. The bar is near the entrance. Not only can customers see me, but our managers are continually walking past. Not to mention the cameras. I get the distinct feeling that someone is always watching...
My perpetual feeling of surveillance has bred in me a couple of habits. The first is that I always wear a full face of makeup at work. I want to look my best. Hey, if I am going to be on camera, may as well be stunning!
I also take very good care of my uniform. I try to be as neat and tidy as possible in my white shirt and black pants. It bothers me when my co-oworkers obviously don't take the same precautions.
Putting in the time and effort on my appearance actually helps me to feel more professional and confident.
Another habit is to be hyper-alert to what I touch with my hands. I switch plastic gloves or immediately wash my hands after I touch the floor, paper money, my face or cleaning sprays. I hate when I have an itch on my nose or eyes, because I don't want to touch them and contaminate them.
My hyper awareness also leads me to be very sneaky about reading behind the counter. By placing my book on the diagonal surface of the cooler lid I am pretty sure customers can't tell from outside the smoothie bar. More importantly I don't think managers can see.
But what if they check the cameras? Well...darn.
All of these little behaviours of mine remind me of the way I thought I had to behave as child around God. I thought he was like a permanent surveillance camera in my life. It made me nervous and hyper-alert, "God saw when I picked my nose!"
I do not think that God is like that anymore. He does "know my going out and my lying down" but I think he is more interested in my personhood and my being as a whole. He is more interested in "searching my heart" than whether I pick my nose.
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