How to Survive PMS: Part One

I am deeply entrenched in an exciting bout of Premenstrual Syndrome. 

This is a time of the month when wacky things happen to my body and emotions. 

I feel a blog series coming on...
For the next three days I will be addressing the topic of PMS. What happens to me?
Are there ways of making it any easier? That sort of thing. Today I will describe
to you the stages of my own personal experience of PMS. For me these stages usually occur
at the same time and last for the whole week before my period.

It is a little over a week before my actual period. I wake up in the morning and discover that I have contracted Gothic Lady Belly (GLB) overnight. What is GLB? Well, have you ever seen a  medieval painting of a lady? You may have noticed how they always painted women with huge round bellies back then--even if they weren't pregnant! Gothic ladies were thin except for their tummies. I think it might have been considered beautiful to be thought of as fertile and capable of producing many children. When I PMS I get GLB big time. It doesn't mater if I haven't eaten for 12 hours. I will have a swollen belly which makes me look like the star in a medieval painting of a female martyr.

I start to lose things and bump into things. I mentioned in a post this last week. For some reason I am more scatterbrained around my period. I often forget my ID card in my dorm or walk away from my babysitting job without my backpack. I always feel a little more frazzled and unable to keep data straight in my brain. I don't know why this happens. I haven't heard of its happening to other people. Does it happen to you?

Yup. The stereotypical PMS dumps. Suddenly I feel rotten and I don't know why. I am discouraged about things that would not have phased me only a few days before. For instance today I said something in class and my professor corrected me. Usually that would have rolled right off my back. But today I felt personally hurt and began to question my ability to go to college (even though I have been in college for over 2 years now). Then I get a notification from my period app telling me to keep my eyes peeled because I should get my period in the next 2-3 days. Forehead slap. My period is coming. That's why I feel so terrible!

This is an odd symptom, but I think a common one. I will be sitting in class or in the dining hall and I will notice a random person. Something about that person will strike me the wrong way. Maybe it is their hairdo. Maybe their laugh. Maybe they made a facial expression. It might not have been something I could identify. But somehow it rubbed me the wrong way and I developed an instantaneous grudge against them. I then proceed to cultivate my unfounded new hatred within my grumpy little self. When my period is over I will see that person again and try to remember why I am angry at them. Usually I cannot remember.

This is another typical symptom of having PMS. I have heard a lot of other ladies talk about this one. I start to notice my face getting more pimply. I am a typically acne-prone person (Why, Oh Lord?!) but around PMS time my face decides to up the ante. I also feel hungry most of the time and justified in eating more than usual. I am usually most attracted to pasta-based food groups.

I get tired. I am usually able to function pretty well on seven hours of sleep. Eight is better, but I can do seven. When I get my period, however, I feel like even eight or nine is insufficient. My body is constantly begging for more sleep. I find that doing normal things, like walking to the bookstore to buy yet another Shakespeare play for my Shakespeare class, exhaust me. So does being awake. I crawl into bed and conk out because my body is so tired.