Friday, May 9, 2008

A Recovering Addict (to embarrassment)

Lately I've been trying to come out of a phase. This phase could be called "Being Embarrassed by Everything". I'm sure those of you who survived puberty (what an awful word) know all about it. Anyway, I was hit with an unusually excruciating case of BEE, and still occasionally suffer from it. Of course being embarrassed by my parents is normal. I don't want to turn on them in a nasty way, but they are the ones who imitated the monkeys at the zoo that one time. I have very vivid memories of that event, I'm sure you can't blame me for that, at least!
Anyway, my point in all this is that my case of BEE was starting to blow out of proportion, I was being embarrassed by absolutly everything; the way my dad has a loud voice, or the way my mom chews, and the way my little brother sneezes or my big brother breathes!!! I'm surprised they didn't get rid of me. But then something happened that made me stop in my embarrassed tracks and look at things from a better perspective. My friend's father is an alcoholic, and one day I saw her walking home with her dad, who, let's just say wasn't feeling too good, and he was talking to himself and falling over. I thought about how I get embarrassed by my dad when he wears a silly hat or sings while he walks, but my friend has to put up with that kind of dad. I felt really stupid for being embarrassed by parents who love me and care for me, and who are trying their best to adapt to a different culture.
So ever since then, whenever I feel I'm about to be embarrassed for a irrational reason (the monkey imitations were completly rational by the way) I try to remember that it doesn't really matter what other people think, but only what God thinks. One verse that helped (still does) is in Genesis when Samuel is looking for the new king to annoint and he can only see the physical assets of David's brothers.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

So as a recovering BEE, I'm not saying I'll never be embarrassed again, but I am saying that I have been trying to do a better job thinking about my heart instead of my outward appearance.

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