My Freelance Journey: The Portrait Lady

I made a lot of money making portraits at events and via social media. I was developing a decent following of people who really liked my product. If I had wanted to, I could still be doing it. In fact, I think I could have actually made it into a career. But instead of fostering my portrait business I let it gradually dry up. 

It was such a no brainer to keep taking commissions while we were financially unstable in 2019. Not only were they a big hit with customers, but they also didn't require enormous amounts of effort for me to make and I was growing my clientele through word-of-mouth all the time. 

I kept accepting the commissions that trickled in but I stopped advertising my service and I declined all in-person gigs. 

The fact is I didn't like my own portraits. Other people loved them and were willing to pay well, but I didn't like that it was focusing my creativity into something that felt meaningful to everyone but me. More and more I was becoming known for being The Portrait Lady and I was scared that I would get stuck there. 

I felt like I was producing a product instead of creating art. I was a one-person art dispenser, not a creative story-teller. It's not that I thought the portraits I made were bad, in fact I am very proud of them! 

But I replaced that source of income with my part-time job at the art store. It felt like a victory to step away from portraits, it also felt like a luxury. 

It feel strange to say this, because making my living through art was the whole goal I have been driving toward since 2018 and I walked away from a very viable way of doing that. I could have had my dream. But I realized this wasn't the right way for me. 

Here's the thing. Walking away from portraits was a privilege. Sheldon has a very stable job and it gave me the option to choose what kind of art I wanted to focus on. 

Sometimes I feel guilty about my privilege. I get to take my time before choosing my next gig. Not everyone can do that. That is what I am doing right this minute. I'm shopping around for a part-time job very carefully. There have been times in my life where I just had to grab whatever I could grab. But that's not me right now. I get to be choosy because my husband pays the bills. 

I realize that is not everyone's story. I am in a unique position. There is less of a fire under my belly to take illustration gigs that don't appeal to me or to seek out any work at all in order to pay the bills. Not everyone trying to make it in as a freelance artist has this luxury. 

I do not take it for granted. Instead I am using this time of relying on Sheldon's income to focus my time on a few specific goals:

- Making zines for Year Two of The Zine Club

- Writing on this blog

- Working on my Instagram (This is a major part of my freelance career, more on that in a later post!)

- Looking for part-time job that makes me happy

- Working with a therapist on my mental health healing and recovery

One day I want to be the one who pays the bills by doing what I love. But for now I am taking it slow. I am grateful for the space to do that and grateful to Sheldon.