Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Long Distance-Dating: Part III - 5 Big Struggles

Dear Blog Friends,

I promised you an interview with my boyfriend Sheldon about long-distance dating from the guy perspective. Unfortunately there are severe storms and tornado watches in his area. He had to go the the basement of the library instead of reply to my interview questions.  I will post his interview when he is able to send it. Keep him safe, Lord! 

Today I will focus on some of the biggest challenges that long-distance daters face. Remember these might be different for you guys. 

1. Building a Fake Conception of the Other Person
Sheldon and I both become aware that the longer we date long-distance (DLD) the more we begin to build up this weird, cyber version of the other person in our minds. Because we are only interacting through Skype and emails we have a limited lens of one another.

We start to forget what it is like to be together in daily life.
Sometimes the phantom version is idealised, because we have forgotten the flaws and idiosyncrasies, but sometimes they are demonised. The scary part is how much it depends on my mood.

2. Misunderstanding Tiny Gestures:
He didn't email me back right away. He signed the email with "Sincerely" instead of "All the love I possess in my soul". He didn't comment on the joke I made in my e-mail.

He hates me.
OK, I am exaggerating. But only a little, because when our contact is so limited I start to hinge on the tiniest details and make a big deal out of them. I have learned that I need to always give Sheldon the benefit of the doubt. Do I? No, not always. But he does for me, so I aspire to that.

3. Trust and Meeting Other People:
Other people don't know that I have a boyfriend unless I tell them. So when I travel guys sometimes approach me in a way that they wouldn't if they could see a boyfriend lurking in the shadows somewhere. This was was a little annoying this summer when I travelled to England. I wasn't harassed by men, by any means, but there some times when I would have like to point out to a couple of them that I was in a relationship.
DLL can be hard because there is an obligation to let everyone know you are committed. But if you are not wearing a ring, how will people know to back off? This issue could have stressed us out a lot while dating if we didn't trust one another a whole lot: What if Sheldon is getting hit on? What is Lucy Rose is flirting with other guys? 

That doesn't mean we always feel great about all those predatory single people who want to wrench us apart.

4. Balancing Deep Talk with Silly Talk: 
This one might be just me. But it is so hard to strike the balance between serious, deep stuff and light hearted goofiness,  because of nature of internet communication.

There are days when we Skype and talk about the dumbest stuff. We play with the lighting in the room and make our limbs look like they are shining...Usually our solution is to accept the weird waves of emotion.

Another thing we do is warn each other about serious topics. Like this: Sheldon, I have been thinking about The Plague. I want you to also think about The Plague so that we can talk about it next time. Then on the next Skype date we talk about it and it is easier because we have both been on the same page.

5. Just Plain Missing Them
I have a lot of ups and downs of missing Sheldon. There are days when it is a constant ache and days when it doesn't get me down. I actually appreciate the hard days because it means that I really care about him. It helps confirm that.
Long-distance dating requires so much confirmation. Over and over. You have to validate fifty times more than in a normal relationship, because of all the uncertainty.

I also find that missing Sheldon is helpful, because it spurs me on to communicate with him. When I miss him it makes me wan to write a letter or send an email. It also helps me to appreciate him more when we finally reunite.

Well, that's all for now, Blog Folk. Have a wonderful day. 
May the Lord protect all you who are near scary weather!

Your Expert Dating Counsellor

Here is a post about the time Sheldon left for Italy.
Here is a random post about people who lick their fingers. 
Here is a post from Sheldon's birthday. 

1 comment:

  1. Exactly! ESPECIALLY 1 and 2. I remember it so vividly. I'm glad those days are over, but I do miss the emails. :)