In Between Stages

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Do you ever feel like you are living in limbo? Like you are stuck between things and waiting for the next thing? You can't settle down. Your mind and energy is split and your belongings are also split between boxes and storage spaces. That is how I feel right now. That is why I have been bad about blogging recently. I am caught in between. 

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One reason I am in limbo is that I am not married yet. In about 30 days I will be married to the man I love. We will live together and make a home. We will create habits of daily life and make dinner together and stuff. But for now I am a single woman living in a bedroom of someone else's house. My boxes are in their basement. I use their kitchen and put my food on a designated shelf in the fridge. I don't go to the kitchen in the night to get a cup of milk, because I am afraid I will wake them up and bother them. I don't cook very many meals, because I don't want to make a mess. I am so grateful for a place to stay, but it is hard to be somewhere that is not really your own home. I am just waiting until Sheldon and I have an apartment, which we can decorate and inhabit together.

It is hard on my relationship with Sheldon to be in limbo like this. He works mornings and afternoons and I work afternoons and evenings. When he picks me up from work at 8 or 9 we only have a couple hours of time together before he needs to go to bed and prepare for his work day. In that time I am usually exhausted from work. It is annoying to not live together, because he has to drive me home and say goodnight after a few measly hours. I am looking forward to not having to do that. I know that when we are married it will still be hard to find time together, but at least we won't have to live in different houses and consistently cut the conversation short.

I am living in limbo between normal life and my wedding. The wedding looms ever larger over my life. It is this huge event in the distance that keeps coming closer, but still nothing tangible has happened yet. We are still making phone calls, scheduling things and drawing up plans. But each days slips by and we are a little bit closer. It feels like that time before a thunder storm, where the air is tense and the sky is silent.

I am looking forward to when the storm has settled. The wedding is exciting. I can't wait to see old friends and be together. But I also can't wait for us to be able to discover normal life as a married couple, where we can be together without offending people. Where we don't have to pack everything up at 9:30 and say goodbye, but we can brush our teeth at the same sink and wake up in the morning to have breakfast together in our very own kitchen.