Bright Little Things

Dear Friends,

It's been just an emotionally exhausting week. Nothing major happened in external terms, but things got pretty intense in therapy and that has taken a lot of my energy. I'm so grateful for the space to do this work, but it is not easy sometimes. 

Today when I came out of my second therapy session in three days it was like my body and mind hit a wall and said, "Alright. That was craziness. Dude, We have GOT to slow it down now. Let's just chill for a sec, OK?"

Hm. Did not know that my subconscious talks like a surfer dude from some cheesy TV show, but hey--it's therapy--I'm learning all KINDS of new things about myself!

So I took the whole afternoon to recover and ease out of the emotional heavy lifting session that I had been working on all week. Yeah, there's still a buttload of unfinished business for me to work through and a lot of stuff that is still really scary and hard, but there really is only so much therapy-ing one person can do. 

I treated myself to a giant cup of coffee from my favorite local coffee shop and a bagel from my favorite bagel shop. I turned on an episode of the TV show Friends, fired up my clunky space heater, got out my markers and spent a few hours just doodling. 

I didn't have much of a plan for my doodles, I was just working on little illustrations of bright little things as a nice change of pace from all therapy insanity. I ended up making a little collection of illustrations featuring the things that have been bringing me joy recently.

I was going to write "the things that are keeping me going recently", but then I felt self-conscious about how sad and desperate it sounds to include "bagels" in that list as opposed to something like "the people I love" or "my insatiable drive to make the world a better place". So I switched it to "things that are bringing me joy". 

But I'm going to be honest. Recently there are mornings when promising myself a bagel from my favorite bagel place is one of the main things keeping me going. Oof. That sounds dark. But I actually don't mean it to be dark. 

I actually think there's some beauty in that. Yeah, it might not KEEP being beautiful if bagels continue to be my reason for living long-term, but I do think there's beauty in acknowledging that this is a tough season. My world has shrunk down pretty small and it's hard to see past one day at a time. And yes, I now measure time in Bagel Days and Non-Bagel Days as opposed to month names and weekdays. But maybe its OK for that to be where I'm at right now. 

My capacity is pretty low and I'm glad that despite that I can still find joy and goodness in a few simple pleasures. So captured in this little series of illustrations are the simple pleasures that are my lifeline right now:

1) Bagels: I discovered my local bagel shop about a month ago and I'm slightly embarrassed that every employee now basically knows me by name. 

2) Coffee: Yeah, the coffee shop people know me too. 

3) Stardew Valley: My friend Kaci is responsible for this one. Stardew Valley is a video game where you make your own little farm and plant crops and wander around a delightful countryside earning gold coins for peaceful activities like foraging mushrooms. I'm addicted. It's actually kind of freaking me out, because I've never been addicted to a video game in my entire life. This one is so peaceful and predictable. It's super slow and low key. I think I'm addicted to the sense of safety and familiarity it gives me. 

4) Yellow Daisies: I treated myself to some yellow daisies on a whim. They lasted two whole weeks in a little mason jar on my window sill and made me smile every time I laid eyes on them. As you probably know, Chicago in Winter is famous for being totally grim and horrible, so yellow flowers are a big win. 

5) Yasutomo Waterproof Liquid Sumi Ink: This is kind of a weird one, but this ink is my joy. After going through ink after ink trying to find one I liked I finally found an ink that doesn't smear with my Prismacolor Premier markers. Sure, it smells like a rotting leaves and old ladies, but IT DOESN'T SMEAR! And it doesn't feel dry and scratchy. I get excited to doodle with it like I did this afternoon while drawing these little guys. And for a season in which drawing has been extra hard for me, this is a big win too. 

Well. Those are a few of the little things that are sparking my joy. I hope that you have a few things like that during this season. May you have them in abundance! Thanks for hanging out and letting me chat to you for a bit. 

Your Blog Friend,

Lucy🌹